Why being a Woman Isn't so Bad

By KCY

Sunday was International Women’s Day. It falls every year on March 8th. It’s not a new holiday, having been declared one by the United Nations in 1977, but it’s a new one to me. At least, one I’ve just started to recognize.

I didn’t grow up in the 1950s (you readers know I just turned forty, so you do the math). But, I wouldn’t say I grew up in an overly feminist environment.

My mom stayed at home with me and my sister, while my father worked. He made most of the decisions in our family life and we all happily went along. When my parents got divorced when I was nine, my mom returned to work, mainly out of necessity. Many of my friends had “nuclear families” and their fathers were the breadwinners, while the moms either had secondary jobs or didn’t work at all.

Yes, my sister and I were encouraged to do well in school, go to a good college and pursue careers, but there was a huge interest in us becoming wives and mothers. In fact, the first thing one of my uncles said to me when I got into graduate school was, “Great…now you can meet a successful husband.” I didn’t find anything wrong with what he said. It just seemed normal to me.

So, yes, here it was the early 2000s and I was still thinking my biggest roles were to be a wife and a mother.

Let me be clear here. There is nothing wrong at all with wanting those things and only those things. Nothing at all. Because the truth of the matter is, those jobs are hard. Like the hardest jobs in the world. So, let me say it again. There’s nothing wrong with wanting those roles and only those roles.

I went through graduate school then went on to a great job. I could’ve worked my way up. Been a success and alone. But, I couldn’t let go of the idea I was still supposed to fulfill the role destined for me: wife and mother.

So, I became those things. I got married and had my daughter.

My family seemed shock. “I thought you were just going to devote yourself completely to your whole career,” one family member said to me. But weren’t those the roles they’d been pushing on me my whole life? That society had been pushing upon me?

I love my daughter. I do. And being a wife isn’t so bad either.

I am grateful I have the opportunity to teach my daughter just how valuable she is. She’s getting older now and she’s becoming more impressionable, which is why, I’m just now paying attention to International Women’s Day. Because, I want to celebrate that she’s a girl, that she’ll be a woman someday. A woman who will have every opportunity to become and to do anything she wants without any limitations. A woman who can know that it’s okay to focus on your career. It’s okay to not be a mom and it’s okay to be one if she wants to, too.