Combating the Effects of Social Isolation

by Elizabeth Yeter

I’ve changed over the last seven days. I didn’t think it would happen to me. I mean, all day long I have three kids and my mom home to keep me company. Shouldn’t I be enjoying this unscheduled break from work? And don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the opportunity to isolate. I know many people don’t have that luxury. (Special shout-out to our medical workers on the front lines!)

And it’s not so different from summer break, right? At least that’s what I thought at first. Kids are out of school, I’m out of school. But it’s actually not the same at all. The trampoline park is closed. Restaurants are take-out only. All the kids’ extra-curricular activities are in hiatus. It’s a new normal, and we’re all uncertain as to how long it will last.

As restrictions increase to contain the spread of COVID-19, we must protect our minds from the possible issues that arise with such drastic changes in lifestyle. The following are five impacts social isolation is having on me and how to combat these negative effects.

1) Problem: My body has decided it only wants to wear yoga pants.

Solution: Get dressed every day as if you’re going to see and interact with other human beings.

I started last week off excited for the opportunity to spend the day in my pajamas. This quickly descended into the first big change I saw in myself: the inability to put on an outfit that didn’t include yoga pants. Additional confession: I am currently wearing yoga pants as I write this.

But when I’m done, I’m going to do something I haven’t done in seven days: put on jeans. Now jeans may not seem like much of an upgrade, but for me at least it’s not what I would consider “lounge wear.” Jeans indicate to me that I’m leaving the house. So even if I’m not, putting them on will trick my body out of the downward spiral into depression that I’m currently fighting.

And perhaps I’ll go one step further (no promises here, this would be a big step) and slap on some makeup. That would be an indication to my body that I’m not only going out of the house, but I care what I look like. And in times like these, it’s easy to have no regard for our appearance. Especially it you’re going to cover that pretty red lipstick with a face mask!

And one last thing I really need to do: wash my hair. I know this is going to sound like I’m making excuses, but my hair really can be labor intensive! It’s long and thick, so washing it takes like twenty minutes as compared to my usual three-minute shower. (Any of you who grew up in California in the late eighties/early nineties may recall the eight-year drought and learning how to take a three-minute shower.) Drying my hair is another thirty-minute arm workout.

Yesterday I was already at the point where I needed to throw it into a high ponytail, so going another day without washing it shouldn’t be an option. I feel icky, and I know that won’t contribute to a positive mental outlook.

So put on some jeans, or even a pretty spring dress. Wash your hair. Apply that mascara. Even if the only person you see today is the UPS delivery guy through your front door’s peephole, you’ll feel better for having made the effort.

2) Problem: I’m tired when I shouldn’t be.

Solution: Engage in tasks that keep your mind and body busy.

Another big change in me is that I’m more tired. As I’m writing this, I’m fighting the urge to go back upstairs and crawl into bed. My warm, cozy, comfortable bed. With soft fluffy pillows that hug me in a cocoon of. . . Ahhhh! See, my mind is trying to convince me that it’s sleepy even though at this time on any given normal weekday I would be energetically teaching my students with no thoughts of bed whatsoever.

So make a list of things you want to do while you’re stuck at home. When you start to feel yourself nodding off, consult the list for a motivating activity. Here’s what mine looks like:

1. Learn to play 5 songs on the guitar.

2. Write more blog posts.

3. Set up the bouncy castle and jump in it with the kids. (Yes I own a commercial bouncy castle. Best. Purchase. Ever.)

4. Bake those scones I’ve been threatening to make for the last two months.

5. Teach the kids to play badminton.

6. Learn to play mahjong like my grandmother.

7. Send cards to friends who live far away.

8. Beef up my arm strength so I can do three pull ups in a row.

I’m sure as time goes by I’ll be checking things off like a boss, so I’ll continuously be adding more items. And if you’ve got some ideas for me, leave them in the comment section below!

3) Problem: Cheetos keep calling to me from the pantry

Solution: Don’t buy Cheetos. Also, make regular meals and stick to your usual eating schedule.

It’s easy to buy Cheetos. Or Snickers. Chips Ahoy. Whatever your poison is, it’s pretty easy to get. Amazon or Target will deliver it straight to your door. But your body needs nutrition. It wants fresh fruits and vegetables. Let’s not usher in a new wave of scurvy.

I find myself making frequent trips to the pantry. For the most part I’m not hungry, I’m bored. And eating is fun! But it puts my body out of whack. And when your body isn’t functioning optimally, your mind isn’t either. So don’t beat yourself up about a few extra snacks here or there, but remember that even though you may not be doing as much physical activity as you usually do, your body still needs nutrition.

When I’m working, I usually eat lunch at 12:15. With my day melting into one big time warp lately, I’ve been pretty random about my meals. And while some variation is fine, I know my body wants regularity. So today I’m going back to 12:15.

And I know it’s tempting, but don’t just Doordash all your meals. There’s something wholly satisfying about cooking an entire lasagna from scratch. Or baked ziti. Eggplant Parmesan. Hmm, I must be craving Italian. Well I guess I could make a four-course dinner. I have the time! And that would probably help with problem number 2 above.

4) Problem: I don’t want to go outside. Like ever again.

Solution: Get some fresh air and sunshine, but respect social distancing.

I’m not fearful about the novel coronavirus, so my reasons for staying indoors are more about this comfort that’s beginning to settle in than about avoiding infection. Well, and it probably also has something to do with the previous three problems: I haven’t washed my hair in way too many days, I’m bloated from all the Cheetos I’ve been eating, and I’m tired all the time. Can you blame a girl for wanting to hide away from the judging eyes of the world?

But we aren’t bears hibernating through the winter. Our bodies are not designed to stay inside for days on end. The fact that we need vitamin D from the sun is a testament to that fact.

I’m not talking about going to the mall and window shopping. Even if retail stores are still open where you live, don’t do that. Unnecessary risk is not only unwise, but also socially irresponsible. But taking a walk in your neighborhood is a great way to combat the feelings of isolation. Say hello to your neighbor from across the street. Watch a bird fly high in the clouds. Or a pigeon peck at stuff you can’t see on the sidewalk. You’ll thank yourself for time spent away from the blue-light glow of a screen.

5) Problem: Everyone is getting on my reserve nerve.

Solution: Take breaks from and set boundaries with people in your house/work/social media feed.

My friend Tiffany introduced me to the reserve nerve. That’s the nerve after your last nerve. “You’re getting on my last nerve!” Wait, there’s one more. But after you get on that one, I’ve got nothing left between you and my unfiltered rage.

The kids are the main annoyance in my life right now. Now don’t get me wrong. I love them and I’m thankful to have them home with me. My life would be incomplete without my children. But sometimes I just can’t do it. I can’t stand the bickering, whining, complaining, and pervasive attitude of entitlement. And I know that they’re just as affected by the social isolation as I am because they’re people too. But is that a valid reason to be making my life miserable?

So my advice to myself is to take breaks from them. Right now they’re all quietly engaged with school worksheets, so nobody is even close to getting on my reserve nerve. But I know that if I’m not careful to spend time alone doing things for myself (shower, yoga, walks,) I’m liable to end up saying and doing things that are not consistent with the mother I want to be.

So for you it may not be children. You might still be going to the office, and now it’s down to a skeletal staff, so you have to interact with Jessica from accounting who updates you with the latest COVID-19 infections every twenty minutes. Take a break. Find a “Jessica-free” place to hide out. It might be the bathroom or someone else’s cubicle, but prioritize your mental sanity. Better yet, but hard to do, set a boundary. “Jessica, I really appreciate your concern for our city’s infection rate but I have a lot of work piling up, so it’d be better if you send me an email about it just once a day.” Why not try it? Your reserve nerve will thank you.

So today is day one of my stopgap efforts. As leaders around the world impose measures to mitigate the spread of COVID-19, I’m establishing measures for myself to break the downward spiral I was headed for. And while these recent changes in lifestyle may not have affected you the way they did me, I hope you’ll take the time today to be mindful of your mental health and take safeguards to protect it.