Why Buying a House is not for the Anxious

By KCY

One month ago, my husband and I closed on a house. Our first house together. My first house ever.

I didn’t grow up in a house in the suburbs. I grew up in an apartment in the city. An apartment we didn’t own. After I graduated from college dorm life (which is essentially renting, albeit, more fun!), I regained my city dwelling, apartment renter status. After being a single renter for several years, I became a co-renter, with my husband. I figured we’d live happily ever after as renters, because I never knew anything else. Not only that, I never really wanted anything else.

My husband had his own ideas. You see, he’d grown up in the complete opposite environment: a suburban house his parents owned. To him, renting was a temporary situation. For me, it was a way of life.

Until it wasn’t.

After discussing the pros and cons of renting vs. owning, he convinced me. He convinced me it was time. It was time to do what most people think of as “adulting:” buy a house.

So, we started the process of looking. Most people take months. We took one weekend. Yeah, you heard me right, one weekend. But it wasn’t the only place we looked at!

We put in a bid, and we actually got the house. Which I never in a million years thought would happen. First, I never thought I’d be a homeowner, and second, our first bid and we got the house?

So, now that you know the background, let’s get to the real point of this article:

Buying a house is not for the anxious.

You homeowners out there are smiling and nodding right now, because you know what I mean.

Let’s face it, houses are expensive. And I’m not only talking about the down payment, mortgage, homeowners’ insurance, closing costs. It’s rare a house is “move in ready.” Of course, there are exceptions with brand new houses, but the majority of the time, you’ve got to put some work into it. It’s not like renting where you adjust to your surroundings. Most people want to put their own stamp on their house. They want to customize it to their dream house, or something close to it.

The repairs, customization is what I believe make people really anxious. And when I say people, I include me.

This is the part where the house becomes a “money pit.” The pipe you didn’t notice has a leak and needs a new plumbing system. The walls that seemed so beautiful and pristine at the open house are actually scuffed and need a fresh coat of paint. Windows need to be replaced because the quiet neighborhood you thought you were moving into, actually isn’t as quiet as it seemed that one Sunday morning you walked around. Yes, things you didn’t really expect. And now you can’t call someone to fix it. You’re the one who has to fix it or you have to pay someone to fix it if you can’t yourself.

All of this can drive someone’s head into a tailspin. And it has mine.

When you’re anxious, your mind tends to perseverate. You lay up at night googling information about home repairs. When someone asks you about your house, you give them a list of itemized things which are wrong with it, but when they ask you if you’re enjoying it, you don’t know what to say because you’re too busy worrying about the things which aren’t right.

I’m going through this now. This anxiety. But let me tell you about something I’m trying to do. I’m trying to enjoy this process. To look at it with a different perspective:

I’m incredibly lucky.

I’m lucky I can buy a house, and I can afford to repair and customize my home. I’m lucky I’m going to be able to live in a house the way I want, and not just adjust to the surroundings and finishings my landlord chose. Sure, there’s still going to be some adjustments I need to make, but those changes are more about my mindset. More about letting go.

So, today, just like Elsa from Frozen, I’m going to let it go. I’m going to let it go and be thankful and enjoy being a homeowner.