Interview: Dr. Hala Sabry, Founder of Physician Moms Group (PMG)
Resuscitating You is now interviewing people like you and me who are trying to live their best lives, while making a difference in this world.
To kick off our interviews, we spoke to Dr. Hala Sabry. Dr. Hala Sabry is an emergency room physician who is the founder of the Facebook Physician Moms Group (PMG). Dr. Sabry, who struggled with infertility, initially founded this group in November 2014 when she found herself about to be a mom to three kids under the age of 18 months while balancing her career as a full-time working emergency department physician. This support group grew exponentially and now has more than 70,000 members who span all specialties in medicine, and multiple countries. Dr. Sabry is now a mom to five children, continues to run PMG, work as an emergency room physician and most recently has been a medical consultant on Ann Curry’s Chase the Cure.
In addition to be an inspiration for the Renaissance woman, Dr. Sabry is incredibly kind, thoughtful and the type of woman you just want to have as your friend.
KCY: What was your inspiration for starting Physicians Mom Group?
HS: My inspiration was twofold.
One: I needed this group. I was mentally exhausted, and I needed the support.
Two: Once I felt supported, which literally came immediately, I continued to do it, because I knew I owed it to the community. In my opinion, support groups are only successful if members are willing to both give and take. This give and take is what inspires me to maintain this group. When I was struggling with infertility, I would watch the Ellen DeGeneres show and be in awe about how open and giving Ellen was to her viewers and the public despite having a rough patch of struggle. I was inspired by her strength and thought, “if I ever overcome infertility, I know I want to help others struggling with the same.” Truth be told, I was very depressed but I knew I wasn’t alone. The infertility clinic waiting rooms were filled with couples always keeping to themselves. I wanted to break that uncomfortable silence once I was strong enough to do so. Sure, I’m not giving people houses or cars like Ellen but the gift of community that makes people feel safe, loved, accepted and normal means the world to me, and I hope it means a lot to others, too!
KCY: Why do you think the support literally came immediately when you formed PMG?
HS: The support came immediately because I had other women who acknowledged they needed help too! Somehow that validated my feelings and I felt “normal.” Just knowing others are going through the same thing and/or have overcome your same type of obstacles is helpful and makes the tasks doable!
KCY: So many women struggle with infertility and I’m sorry to hear you were one of them. What advice would you give to someone who is struggling with infertility?
HS: Infertility is such a whirlwind and I would urge those faced with this challenge to realize this:
1. Nothing is wrong with them. Nothing.
They aren’t defective. Everybody has health struggles at some point. Just acknowledge the obstacle and move forward.
2. Know your options.
We live in a time in which there are so many developments and advancements in the technology for infertility. Pick an amazing OBGYN and Reproductive Endocrinologist to be your team captains and know you must put in the work. You need to be compliant with medications, appointments and taking care of your body and mind in the process. There are many resources to help you, you only need to seek them out.
3. Find an infertility friend.
They are likely to know what you are going through. Those who have never had infertility or had different paths will not empathize with you like someone who has/is going through it.
4. Don’t forget about your financial health.
Most insurance companies don’t cover infertility treatments, and while I agree this needs to change, it will not change immediately. I advise planning how you will fund fertility treatments just like you would with any other important investment.
5. Enjoy and document the process.
I know this seems like backward advice since the process is so painful, but I have met so many people who have kept a journal or recounted stories they often share with others going through the experience or with their future children. Whether you like it or not, the infertility process is part of your story and it will not only help you but it will also help others in the future should you share it.
Ultimately you will always have the full power over yourself and your decisions – always remember it and honor that opportunity to care for yourself.
KCY: You know, if you ever went to Ellen’s show, you’d have to dance with her. How’s your dancing? What dance would you do?
HS: I have never been asked this! And now I am nervous! I am an “okay” dancer and would probably just follow her lead! I have been in the audience for an Ellen show before (and even got to ask a question to her guest of the day!) but honestly I was so full of happiness that I didn’t notice how I was dancing during the music segments!
KCY: What is one thing no one knows about you, not even your husband?
HS: Oh, I don’t know! I think I am an open book! However, I think people are most surprised at how simple I am when they meet me!
KCY: Is there anything you wish you could change in your life and why?
HS: I love my life – so, no! I mean I wish I had all the resources in the world to cure cancer, feed the hungry, etc…but don’t we all wish that?
KCY: What’s in your mom bag?
HS: I don’t have a mom bag! Should I have one? I don’t know. I try to be really simple. So even when I prepare for a trip or leave the house with my five kids, I try to keep it to the essentials, and to make sure I know where I can get anything I may need or that I would forget….I mean there are Target stores everywhere right? So, I guess my target app and red card is my mom bag! Ha!
KCY: What is the craziest thing you ever saw as an emergency room physician?
HS: I don’t know if there is ONE thing I have seen that would be termed the craziest. I love my job and I have enjoyed helping my patients no matter what their ailment is.
KCY: What is your guilty pleasure?
HS: So many! I love watching documentaries. I know, not that exciting. I love fresh popped popcorn with light salt I make myself and often will make it as a snack once the kids are in bed (as I turn on a documentary). I also go on a mom trip with a few of my girlfriends every year without the kids. I feel so guilty about it when I am at the airport but that time allows me to connect with friends and relax without the daily pressures of being a mom and wife. I come back feeling rejuvenated and ready to be “super mom and wife” again!
KCY: What advice do you give to someone who is feeling powerless and lonely?
HS: It’s important to identify the root to why you feel powerless. When you dig down to the root cause, then you find the answer. Having this knowledge is powerful and, it can make you feel better. However, this is not easy to do and it takes time.
For instance, if someone feels they are unhappy with their current job because they don’t make enough money or they don’t like their boss, I would ask: What do you need to feel powerful and independent in this situation to achieve the outcome you desire? It may not be all about the money or your boss– or maybe it is? Sometimes people choose a marker of success and they base their happiness on it. Of course, money and a good relationship with your boss is important but so is feeling like you are fulfilled in other ways at work. Are you given enough autonomy? Do you like your team? Do you want to work more individually? Before leaving your job, really analyze what you want so you know what to look for. You may even find that the job you do have is great but a few variables need to be addressed and changed. Of course, this is a very broad, made up example but my point is there is a lot of thought one should have when making decisions. Ultimately you will always have the full power over yourself and your decisions – always remember it and honor that opportunity to care for yourself.
As for your second question about loneliness…I feel lonely often. Some people love having a certain dose of loneliness to feel grounded and meditate. Some feel disconnected from others and that is the root to their loneliness. Ultimately if you are feeling lonely, depressed and needing resources, please reach out for help. There are many hot lines for this. If you feel at times you are lonely, don’t hesitate to reach into that vulnerability and empower yourself to reach out to a friend you want to connect with. Or make a new friend. I know it’s hard. Many of my friends think I’m so busy and they and I don’t always reach out because they think they are bothering me so I have to regularly make sure to be cognizant of that and make sure I am reaching out to them, too! A community and/or friendships are important to have and maintain.
KCY: Those are strong words about being the most powerful person in your life, do you think that we as women undervalue ourselves and why?
HS: Of course, we do! Society has decided we are always a bit powerless. We are paid less (even as physicians) for the same work provided by our male counterparts. We are expected to be full time homemakers and full-time employees. I can’t think of an interview in which a man was asked how he deals with “work life balance” because it is ridiculous. Work is part of life – even if you work at home as a stay at home parent! So, when it is engrained that we need to fight our power instead of realize we just need to recognize it, it leads to a lot of confusion and devaluing of ourselves.
KCY: What does it mean to you to have a healthy work life balance?
HS: Nothing in life is completely balanced. Even our bodies, medically speaking, fight every day for balance. We work in ranges. I feel like if you are truly happy with your work and at home, that’s the first step, but one will always struggle with questioning whether they should give more to one or the other! Personally, I try to work on one thing at a time and to be as routine as I possibly can to feel more in control of my life.
KCY: How do you manage your three jobs?
HS: Tons of help! I can’t do any of this alone, so I don’t. It’s a team approach. I have the best teammates possible! It also helps that I have amazing children, an amazing husband and extended family.
KCY: How can people be happy and maintain that happiness at work?
HS: This is a hard one. I think rephrasing the question to being- what would make this job perfect and make me happy- is the better question. Sometimes we start jobs that are perfect for us at one point in our life, but we are human. We grow. We are dynamic. Our jobs either grow with us or we outgrow it…so I think to be happy, I need to keep growing and that means with my professional life, too!
KCY: What advice would you give to the 20-year old you?
HS: I wish I’d been more observant. I was such a go-getter. I kept moving forward at lighting speed. I wish I would have slowed down a bit and enjoyed every step of the way. I also wish I would have been more patient in general- with everything. But I think these observations come with age and all I can do is implement these changes now!
KCY: Have you been trying to slow down and how?
HS: This has been hard to do because my baseline pattern is to be really busy and somewhat overwhelmed. It has been a process for me to outline what my goals are and my true “why” in life. I literally wrote down all my ongoing projects, then, on a separate page, wrote my top three priorities. Then I looked at all my ongoing projects to see if they fit into my priorities…and if they didn’t, then they were removed. If they did, then I re-evaluated the yield I would be getting from it and decided if I wanted to invest my time. I believe time is the greatest currency so I don’t want to waste it.
KCY: What are your goals for 2020?
HS: My current motto is to “be at the top of my own priority list.” I’m truly focusing on my personal health and my relationship with my children. I have gone through a lot in the past two years and so I am taking 2020 to solidify my foundation before moving forward with so many amazing projects in the wings!
KCY: What does it mean to be the best version of yourself?
HS: I’m not sure. I have heard this quote before between “living my best life” and “best version of myself,” and quite honestly, I don’t know what this is for me. I think every day, I try to do better and to grow. I don’t think I will ever attain that level of “the best” because that means my journey is complete or I’ve hit my max. I don’t ever want to complete my journey.
Even if I accomplish all of my goals, I would sure hope I set more to keep striving for excellence. One of my favorite quotes is by Walt Disney when he answered a question as to when Disneyland would be complete. His answer was, “Disneyland will never be completed. It will continue to grow as long as there is imagination left in the world.” This is how I view my life: limitless.
Learn more about Hala and Physicians Mom Group at https://mypmg.com/. You can also find her on https://www.facebook.com/DrHalaSabry/ and instagram @drhalasabry.