How to Worry Less

By KCY

Do you worry? Most people would think this question was ludicrous. After all, everyone worries at some point in their life. Even that beach bum living on an island who seems like they have not a care in the world worries about something. It’s a natural emotion that was intended to protect us from predators back in the caveman days.

But ask yourself this question, do you worry too much? Do you find yourself in a room worried everyone is whispering about you? Or that your boss is going to fire you at any moment? Or that your spouse is going to leave you? That you messed up your children? Do you worry about things that haven’t happened but could potentially happen? Do you obsess about these worries? Stay up late at night, staring at the ceiling unable to sleep because these worries are running a marathon through your mind?

If the answer to any of these questions is yes, then you may be an excessive worrier. This excessive worrying can be linked to anxiety. People who have anxiety and excessive worries can drive themselves crazy. It can lead to insomnia and even to panic attacks.

But it doesn’t have to be this way. Here are some ways to worry less.

Don’t try to ignore the worry.

Sounds weird, right? You’re probably thinking, don’t try to make the worry go away?! That doesn’t make any sense. Hear me out, though. If you try to push the worry away, it isn’t really going away. It’s just getting pushed deeper down inside of you when pop! Just like a beach ball forced underneath the water, it comes to the surface and explodes! And that’s not good. What I’m advocating for is that you accept that the worry will be there. That the voice will always be there. But it doesn’t have to be loud. You can learn to soften it and to NOT listen to that voice. What was once a loud voice, is now a whisper. Try it!

Explore the worry on paper.

Now you are confronting this worry. What is this worry all about? For instance, if I’m worried I had kids too late in life, is that my real worry? Or is there something deeper? So, I explore this worry. What happens if I had kids later in life? Then I’ll be older as they grow up. Then what? I’ll miss milestones in their lives because I can’t keep up with them. Then what? I may die before I get to experience having grandchildren. Then what? Then I wouldn’t have done all the things in life I wanted to do. So, am I really worried about having kids late in life? Well…yes…but the bigger worry may actually be I will die before I experience everything I would’ve wanted to do in life. By identifying the deep worry, you can then do some work.

Expose yourself to the worry.

Not in real life but in your mind. On paper.

Write down a scene related to that worry. The worst possible thing that could happen. Let’s go back to my worry that I had kids too late in life. I may write a scene where I’m at my daughter’s high school graduation. All the parents are happy and young and smiling, but I’m in a wheelchair. I’m disheveled. I have dementia. Evoke all five senses. With this example, I may imagine the smell of urine wafting in my nose. The sounds of happy chatter around me, but it’s only words and I don’t get it. Write the scene down and then read it over and over again for twenty minutes.

Think of alternatives to the situation of your worry.

Yes, think of the alternatives. Going back to my example, perhaps an alternate ending could be I’m healthy and even if my number age is older than some of the other kids’ parents, I’m in much better shape and my health number is actually lower than them. Another alternative could be my daughter graduates earlier than expected. Perhaps I never get dementia. There are alternatives and good ones! You only need to think about them!

Recognize that you don’t have to be PERFECT.

This is the hardest one. You may be sitting there thinking, “That’s not me. I don’t do that.” Well, I have news for you. The idea of being perfect is there. We strive to be perfect in our relationships, at work, even (and here’s a big one) living a perfect, meaningful life. We need to get rid of this idea. Realize you are doing the best that you can at the time. And that’s all you can do. Acceptance can be a very hard thing but if you keep practicing this mantra enough, you will find there will be less worries on your mind.

Relax and enjoy your life.

Relaxation is so important. Unfortunately, many of us don’t take the time to relax. You may have to schedule it in initially but if you continue to relax, you will find you will start doing it every day.

Here are some ways to relax:

Yoga

But which kind should I practice? There are so many different types. Ashtanga, Iyengar, Bikram, Vinyasa. Find one you like or practice them all. You will find benefits with the poses and the deep breathing no matter which one you practice.

Meditate

This is a hard one. One thing that has made it easier is technology. Now we have apps! I like Headspace and Calm.

Practice Mindfulness

This goes along with meditation. Except it’s a little bit different in that mindfulness is the practice of being in the moment. Meditation is the practice of thinking about nothing. The Headspace and Calm apps also help you to practice mindfulness. But for me, what I find helpful is just sitting still for five minutes each day and listening and being aware of my immediate surroundings. Then I reflect on the good things going on today and at that moment. 

Talk with family and friends

A good one but sometimes it’s hard if you have a family member who wants to solve your problems. That can be tricky. Remember that those family members mean well still·

Color

Yes! A coloring book. It helps to keep your mind still and is calming. There are many coloring books out there now.

Do something you enjoy

whether it’s reading a book at home or going out dancing. If you enjoy an activity, do it!

So, go on and try these things! Don’t worry, be happy!