Why do people self-harm?
TRIGGER WARNING: THIS ARTICLE CONTAINS INFORMATION ABOUT SELF HARM (SELF INJURY) WHICH MAY BE TRIGGERING TO SURVIVORS.
Isn’t it strange that we do things and don’t understand why? For the years that I cut and burned myself, I couldn’t give you a reason why I was doing it. I wasn’t suicidal. I didn’t have clinical depression. I was actually a pretty normal, even successful person to the outside world. But some deep hurt inside of me compelled me to self-harm. Sometimes I planned it, sometimes it was spontaneous. This list is not all-inclusive, and may not contain the reason that you or your loved one self-harms, but my objective is to shed light on possible reasons so that you can begin to explore what’s causing this behavior for you or your loved one.
A need to feel relief from a deep pain.
Some people feel a reprieve from their emotional pain when engaged in the act of self-harm. This deep pain can be due to a variety of reasons, including feelings of betrayal, neglect, and abandonment by others.
As Punishment
Some self-harmers feel that they need to punish themselves for a perceived character defect, “bad” behavior, or other wrongdoing. This perception is often accompanied by feelings of guilt and shame.
To show others how they feel
This reason is extremely complex. On the one hand, the self-harmer tries to hide his or her behavior, but on the other hand, he or she wants others to notice and, possibly, to help. That last part is complicated also. Some self-harmers want others to know that they are hurting, but aren’t ready to address the behavior. For example, a girl may reveal to her boyfriend that she is cutting as a way to communicate that he is hurting her emotionally. She does not want him to stop her from cutting. She hopes he will ease her emotional pain, perhaps by giving her more attention, so that she will no longer want to self-harm.
To be in control of something
It may seem like the self-harmer is out of control, but many feel that self-harming is the only time they’re actually in charge of anything in their lives. Usually there is some element of planning in self-harm such as planning where on the body to make cuts so as to be able to hide them or setting out a specific time of the day to self-harm. The self-harmer feels like she is taking back control from the people or circumstances that seem to rule her life.