offer choices
How to offer choices
The compulsion to self-harm is sometimes due to a need to exert control over something in your life. This may be a general feeling or a feeling specific to a person or circumstance. For example, a teenager may feel like his parents control everything from his clothes to his friends to how he spends free time. A young woman may be in an emotionally abusive relationship and feel as if nothing she does can please her partner. In these examples, the individual then self-injures because it offers an activity that they are in control of.
To help the self-injurer in your life regain control, offer a limited amount of choice. Too many choices may be overwhelming in an already emotionally difficult time, so I recommend starting small and only offering two to three options.
Choices to begin with:
Plan a movie night and offer a choice between two titles: “Do you want to watch Aladdin or Jumanji?”
Present dinner options: “Do you want salmon, chicken, or steak tonight?”
Weekend fun possibilities: “Should we play golf or go swimming?”
Chores: “Do you want to clean the toilets or wash the dog?”
These decisions might sound inconsequential, but the little things really do add up. Offering choice not only gives your loved one a feeling of control, but also lets them know that you value their opinion, and therefore value them.