by Elizabeth Yeter

I remember the moment they handed me my son for the first time. I was shaking uncontrollably, which the nurse said was normal after delivery. I tried to hold on to that tiny person who I had waited nine months to meet, but I just couldn’t. I couldn’t handle the skin to skin contact that I was told he needed. I couldn’t fathom trying to coax his little lips around my nipple to nurse. “Can you take him back now?” I asked.

Not the beautiful beginning to motherhood that I had envisioned. I tell you about that experience to show that mothers are people too, with their own needs and feelings. My baby needed to be cuddled and fed. I needed rest and, as we would later find out, a whole lot of potassium. There’s always more to the story than meets the eye.

If all you knew about my mothering was that vignette I just told you, I’m not sure my behavior would be seen as worthy of the sayings on pre-printed Mother’s Day cards and mugs available at your local retail outlet. “World’s Greatest Mom.” Nope. “Home is where Mom is.” Not exactly.

But my story didn’t end there, and yours doesn’t have to stop where you are now either. As long as you still have breath in you, there’s time to change. Maybe you’re still salty because your mother worked long hours and never made it to your volleyball games. Maybe you’re the daughter who cut ties with her mom years ago over something you can’t even remember now.

So, ready to get vulnerable and mend that strained relationship? What better time than Mother’s Day!

But Hallmark doesn’t make a card for that. This sentimental day seems to be exclusively reserved for the picture-perfect mothers who only exist on their television channel. So, for your consideration greeting card companies, here are a few suggestions for Mother’s Day messages:

Outside: “You gave birth to me” Inside: “Thank you”

Outside: “Today is Mother’s Day” Inside: “And you are my mother. Happy Mother’s Day.”

Okay, those aren’t very good recommendations, so you’re going to have to come up with your own. That’s probably for the best anyway since I’m sure your situation is more complicated than can be summed up in two pages.

But don’t let that complexity, and the bitterness that may have developed from it, keep you stuck. Just because the relationship is crappy today doesn’t mean it has to be that way forever. Fortunately for me, babies are pretty forgiving. I got a chance to improve my mothering before I even left the hospital. Eventually he cried, and I hobbled over to that plastic rolling crib the nurse put next to my bed and picked him up. So no matter if there’s been friction for one day or thirty years, you don’t have to stay in that place. And although it’s going to take a little more work than scrawling your name at the bottom of a card written by someone else, you won’t regret having made the effort.