By Elizabeth Yeter

It’s New Year’s Eve and I’ve got a case of the shouldas. I shoulda done this, I shoulda done that.

I guess I’ve got a case of the shouldn’tas too. I shouldn’ta made this decision, I shouldn’ta ate the entire pint of ice cream last night. But these thoughts don’t serve me. They only serve to create self-doubt, anxiety, and stress: three things I definitely don’t need to bring into the new year. They are, however, old friends who just don’t seem to want to go away.

Have you been reviewing 2019 in your mind? Maybe you’re like me, and when you self-reflect, you focus mostly on the negative. As I look back on 2019, I see the glaring mistakes like shards of glass catching the light. I see the two proverbial paths that diverged in the woods and me taking the harder, more painful one every single time. I see the failure and rejection. Missteps and stalemates.

But I also realize that part of my problem has actually been my progress. This year, instead of shrinking away from conflict, I’ve risen to it. Instead of tucking hurt deep within myself, I’ve expressed it. And not in a bust-the-windows-out-your-car kind of way, but with calmness and maturity. And quite frankly, people can’t handle this kind of honesty. They don’t want to face their own feelings or take responsibility for their actions, so they react with defensiveness and dismissiveness.

Example: One day in the not so distant past, my boss confronted me in a public, unprofessional way about something that was entirely not my fault. The old me would have taken the blame, apologized, and slinked away so as to avoid conflict. She was literally up in my face waiting for me to do what I’ve always done when something snapped inside me. I was tired of being a punching bag. I stood up straight and calmly told her that she was out of line. I explained my perspective, but to no avail. She wasn’t backing down. But, to her surprise I’m sure, neither was I.

The conflict contributed to an icy couple of months between us, but I am not responsible for her behavior. These kinds of encounters were a running theme of my 2019. They may have made for a difficult year for me, but I believe 2019 was a clearing away for the amazing things that 2020 has to bring. Did you have a difficult 2019? Did you give a situation more chances than you should have to improve? Do you have a few shouldas and shouldn’tas? You don’t have to drag these into the new year. Actually, 2020 has nothing to do with it. At any moment you can turn it around. Change your mind. Decide to do something different. Now is just a good time to start.

So pour one out for 2019. It’s over and done with. Take what you can from it. Learn from the mistakes and celebrate the progress, however small it may have been. And if the only positive thing you can remember from this past year is that you survived it, well, I’ll drink to that.